


Another Cinderella Story

by dontwatchmechange



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Cinderella Fusion, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23296243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontwatchmechange/pseuds/dontwatchmechange
Summary: Eleanor Shellstrop has been mistreated her whole life, and she wants revenge at the princess's ball. She ends up with more than she bargained for when the princess takes notice of her.
Relationships: Jianyu Li | Jason Mendoza/Janet (The Good Place), Tahani Al-Jamil/Eleanor Shellstrop
Comments: 21
Kudos: 81





	1. Partners In Crime

Eleanor Shellstrop sat in the low light of the embers burning in the fireplace. It was the evening of Princess Tahani’s ball, which Eleanor’s stepmother touted as the best chance the upper-class had of mingling among themselves and marrying their children off. Her father had died long ago, and so she now worked as a servant, presently picking out a batch of lentils her stepsisters had wickedly tossed in.

“Have those out by the time we get back, Ella.”

The nickname that was once her father’s pet name for her had become demeaning and disrespectful over years of misuse. “I’m a grown-ass woman,” she reminded them fruitlessly, “you can call me Eleanor.”

“And I’m your mother,” said her stepmother, infuriating Eleanor as always. “I’ll call you what I like.”

“Yes, Mother,” she mocked, but on seeing her stepmother’s stern face, she made herself meek and continued with the lentils, burning her fingers as she reached in. “Ow.”

“We’ll be back after midnight,” said Madison, the elder stepsister.

“Don’t be stupid, Ella can’t tell time,” said Brittany, who was in actuality both younger and dumber than Eleanor, and they both laughed their way out the door.

Eleanor saw that the door was closed before she abandoned the lentils and ran straight to Madison’s closet. It wasn’t like there was anything wrong with these other dresses, countless dresses which Eleanor had helped Madison try on and Madison had decided were “too frilly” or “not frilly enough.” She spent a good ten minutes getting herself into a pale blue dress she knew Madison wouldn’t even recognize. It was a little long, but that was the style, anyway, and it allowed her to wear her own comfortable shoes instead of slippers that didn’t quite fit.

Perfect in case she needed to run. Heaven knew what trouble she’d get into.

She approached the neighbors’ house, neighbors who’d been over countless times but never once looked Eleanor in the eye, and knocked on the door.

“Hi!” said Eleanor. “I’m Eleanor of the Shellstrops. My house is about a mile east of here.”

“The Shellstrops?” asked Michael, the owner of the estate. “I’ve never heard of you.”

“We tend to keep to ourselves. Superstitious lot, we are. Anyway, I’m asking a favor. I need to get to the ball tonight, and-”

“You need a ride? My own Janet’s going, you can accompany her.”

“Really?” Janet had never come over, but Michael and the others talked about her all the time. She was a bookworm. A real thinker. Not the type to go to a ball.

“I’m trying to get her to socialize,” he said in a low voice. “Real quiet type. She can’t stay alone with me forever. Janet?”

Janet came out, wearing a big, flowing dress in shades of purple that were usually reserved for royalty and the uber-rich.

“How’d you get that?” asked Eleanor incredulously. “Did you make a deal with the devil?”

“Let’s go,” said Janet quickly, sitting in the driver’s side of the carriage and gesturing for Eleanor to join her.

Eleanor wasn’t one to question a good thing. She took her seat, and they were off to the ball.

“Did you really want to go to this?” asked Eleanor.

“Absolutely not,” said Janet. “I’ve read about balls like this, and they usually just exist for rich people to find life partners. My dad wants someone to propose to me tonight. I’m just looking for a good time.”

“Can I trust you, Janet?”

“Of course!”

“I’m only going to the ball to cause trouble for my stepfamily. Ruin their night. Make them look stupid.”

Janet frowned. “Why?”

“They’re terrible to me. They deserve it. Trust me. Join me. You’ll have a way better time than if you were looking for a- you know what?” Eleanor got down on one knee, the best she could in a closed carriage. “Janet Realman, will you be my partner-in-crime?”

“I don’t think that counts, but I’ll take it,” she laughed as they arrived.


	2. The Ball

“God, this thing is steep,” muttered Eleanor as the two women made their way up the grand staircase. “How’s anyone supposed to climb it in heels?”

“I’m managing,” said Janet, wobbling and twisting ankles as she stepped up and up. Even when shoes were handmade for you, they couldn’t always feel that way.

At the top of the staircase, a grand ballroom awaited them.The lights danced, and so did the people, pairing off or joining in group routines. Hundreds of people were dressed to their very best and schmoozing like there was no tomorrow. It was an upper-class spectacle to behold.

“Oh, my god,” said Janet dryly. “I can’t believe I’m really here.”

“We’re gonna have fun, I promise.”

Eleanor ran to the food table and quickly calculated that no one would miss one of the pies.

“I just have to wait for one of them to sit down.”

“Which ones are your stepfamily?”

Eleanor pointed out Brittany and Madison, who were together engaged in conversation with a tall man in a military uniform, subtly vying for dominance by stepping closer to him.

“Brittany will win, and Madison will go pout in that open chair right there.”

Eleanor looked at Janet uncertainly. “You think?”

“I’m good at things like this.”

Eleanor rushed over and placed the pie onto the chair, attracting a few odd looks but no one quite connecting what was happening.

Eleanor and Janet watched from a distance as Madison began to dance alone with the stranger and Brittany rolled her eyes and walked away, sitting so dramatically down into the chair that she didn’t look to see that it contained a pie. She stood up in shock, brushed as much as she could off of her dress, and turned to her sister with tears in her eyes.

Eleanor turned and stared at Janet. “What the hell?”

“Oh, rats, I mixed them up, didn’t I? Sorry. Neither of them have a discernible personality.”

“No, no, just the fact that it worked! How did you do that?”

Janet smiled. “I’m… very observant.”

“You know what, it doesn’t matter. But that’s crazy. What are the other rich people here up to?”

“Did they wrong you somehow?” asked Janet.

“Not, uh, personally, but, you know, rich people are inherently selfish. Any one person here could’ve donated some of their obscene wealth to helping others, or at the very least, invested in programs that could help. But none of them do. It’s inherently unethical to have this much money.”

“Eleanor, I don’t know that you want to go down this rabbit hole.”

“A lot of them didn’t even do anything to get this much money, they were just born into it, or lucked into it, or they’re close to the royal family. Hell, Princess Tahani hasn’t worked a day in her life, and since Kamilah’s in line first for the throne, she never will.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said a very tall woman in a yellow dress, whom Eleanor didn’t recognize as one of her stepsisters’ friends or acquaintances.

“Really?” asked Eleanor skeptically, a bit embarrassed to have been overheard but more curious where this rich giraffe was coming from.

“Well, I think… I think wealth is improperly distributed in this country. Power is improperly distributed.”

Eleanor balked. “That’s awfully bold to say at a royal ball. Aren’t you here to kiss ass like the rest of them?”

“I don’t kiss anyone’s… ass.” She seemed to really struggle with the word. Maybe she didn’t swear often. “Aren’t you?”

“I don’t see the point.”

“What’s your name?”

She extended a hand. “Eleanor Shellstrop.”

The woman raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of you.”

“And I’m supposed to have heard of you?”

“I highly doubt it,” she said, shaking Eleanor’s hand. “Rhonda Mumps.”

“Charmed. Oh, and this is-”

She looked around, only to find Janet standing by the throne, her regal purple draping down and attracting a number of rich idiots to her feet.

Eleanor laughed out loud. “Janet.”


	3. Rhonda

“That’s not the princess,” said Rhonda.

“No, I know, but they don’t. That’s great.” Eleanor sighed contentedly. “She’s better at making mischief than I thought she’d be.”

Rhonda smiled. “What a life you must live. Hating the rich and causing trouble wherever you can.”

“You’d hate the rich, too, if you were in my shoes.”

Rhonda looked down. “I don’t suppose you meant that literally.”

Eleanor leaned forward and adjusted her dress so that it covered her peasant shoes. “Hold on. How do you know that’s not the princess? Do you know her?”

Rhonda hesitated. “We’ve met.”

“Is she a snooty bitch like my stepsisters?”

“She can be a little out of touch…”

Eleanor snorted. “I can imagine.”

“...but I think she’s a morally upstanding person.”

“Impossible,” said Eleanor immediately.

“Do you think you’re a morally upstanding person?”

“I think that’s the wrong question- oh, my god, look.”

Eleanor and Rhonda watched as Brittany and Madison curtsied to Janet, Brittany doing her damnedest to hide the remains of the pie on her skirt.

“Sorry, that’s hilarious. Anyway, I think that’s the wrong question to ask. The right question to ask is do we deserve the things that happen to us. Do I deserve to be treated like a servant and made to do all the work for none of the reward just because I don’t have family or money. No.”

“Does the princess deserve your scorn just because of her birth status?”

“Yes. Obviously.”

“That seems hypocritical.”

“The difference is I do what I can with what I have to level the playing field. Isn’t that what you want?”

“Yes,” conceded Rhonda. “Life is unfair and I want to change that in any way I can.”

A woman tapped Rhonda on the shoulder - a woman with a commanding presence and dramatically oversized shoulder pads. “I know you think playing commoner is fun, sister, but commoners are starting to play you.” She pointed out Janet. “Do you want me to remove her?”

Rhonda’s face fell. “That won’t be necessary, Kamilah. She’ll be found out soon enough.”

Eleanor put the pieces together too late and missed her chance to curtsy before the queen walked away.

“Princess Tahani, I am so, so sorry. I never would have said any of that had I known you were-”

“I thought you weren’t here to kiss arses,” said Tahani, in a thick royal accent. “Look. I don’t like the queen any more than you do. And honestly, I believe things are unfair. I’m actually looking for advisers. People who know how to fix the kingdom.”

“Isn’t Queen Kamilah in charge of all of that?”

Tahani lowered her voice. “Not for long.”

“Are you proposing that I leave my family and everything I’ve ever known in order to help you, the princess, overthrow your sister and bring the kingdom into an era of chaos?”

“An era of prosperity, ideally. And you could commute from home.”

“I absolutely could not.”

“Then… yes. That is exactly what I’m asking of you.”

Despite her disdain for royalty, Eleanor was about to sign on to the best deal she’d ever been offered. She opened her mouth to agree, but she realized something crucial: the princess needed her. She was, for the first time in her life, in a position to bargain.

“I want a salary.”

“You will want for nothing,” promised Tahani.

“I want a horse.”

“Absolutely.”

Eleanor looked over at Janet, who was now standing quite alone. “I want Janet to come with me. Her dad wants her to get out of the house and she’s really brilliant.”

Tahani smiled. “She can stay.”

Eleanor tried her luck. “I want you to go on a date with me.”

Tahani made a face. “I don’t whore myself out as a bargaining chip.”

“Of course, Your Highness,” said Eleanor softly.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Tahani?” she asked tentatively.

“That’ll do, Eleanor.”

Eleanor extended a hand. “This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

“Alliance.”

“Romance.”

“Political affiliation.”

“That.”


	4. The Castle

By midnight, Eleanor and Janet found themselves in a royal carriage trailing the princess en route back to their homes to collect their things. The road back to the houses was unpaved and rocky compared to the road outside the castle. Everything was different now. Even the view seemed less grand, looking out on all the rich houses that still weren’t as rich as the princess.

“What do you think the rest of the castle’s like?” asked Eleanor.

“Oh, glitz and glamour and fashion,” said Janet. “But on the highest of scales.”

“Do you think they have shrimp?” Eleanor had once tasted a shrimp after a particularly lavish party she’d waited on, and it had been the defining moment of her culinary experience.

“I bet they could get it. Tahani’s more than rich. She’s the princess.”

“Must be nice getting whatever you want your whole life,” she muttered.

Janet thought for a moment, trying to imagine how to argue against Eleanor’s excellent point. “Eleanor, Tahani’s got problems you couldn’t even conceive of.”

“Yeah,” Eleanor scoffed, “like which far-off prince to marry, or which fork to use for dessert.”

“Or how to overthrow a despot,” said Janet patiently, “or how to rebuild a kingdom.”

Eleanor got out of the carriage, stepping foot for what she hoped to be the last time onto her father’s old estate. “Those are our problems now, too. She’s outsourced them.”

Tahani met Eleanor outside her door. Eleanor knocked.

Madison answered the door and gasped. “Is that my dress? What the hell, Ella?”

Tahani looked to Eleanor. “Oh, do you prefer to be called Ella?”

“No. Tahani, this is Madison. Madison, Princess Tahani.”

“Don’t be stupid,” said Madison uncertainly, looking over the princess’s undoubtedly royal posture. “We met the princess. We know what she looks like.”

“Oh, you mean Janet?” Eleanor pointed back to the carriage. “No, that’s just our friend.”

Madison and Brittany were good at many things. Socializing politely with rich people they despised. Bullying Eleanor. Finding the manager of a market to complain to. However, they were - and always had been - terrible at adapting to new information. Eleanor’s smirk combined with Tahani’s intimidation and Janet’s having already kicked her legs up unceremoniously onto Eleanor’s side of the seat in order to get a better reading posture should together have indicated to Madison that everything she had once believed was a lie. However, she chose to stand her ground.

“How’d you get the princess here?” she asked, clearly referring to Janet.

“That’s me,” said Tahani. “And I’m afraid I’ll be borrowing your dear stepsister for some time. She’s needed for royal business. Step aside.”

Madison may not have been consciously aware that she was just ordered by a member of the royal family, but she stepped aside with the immediacy of someone who was.

Eleanor didn’t need to collect much. She didn’t have clothes she could wear in a royal court, nor did she have physical possessions that mattered greatly to her. But she did want to keep the portrait of her father that she kept by her bedside, as well as the note that he’d left her before he died. “Dearest Ella,” it read. “Don’t let anyone change you.” Of course, she’d changed plenty since she was seven years old, but the sentiment mattered.

Janet, however, had plenty to pick up. The back of the carriage was full of dresses, books, and odd little things Eleanor couldn’t find an excuse for except that Janet was a hoarder.

“Michael’s a collector, and it kind of rubbed off on me,” said Janet, loading in a box of scroll ribbons and wax stamps.

When they arrived back at the castle, Eleanor felt a diminished sense of wonder, as the lights were out from the ball, leaving the entire castle in shadow, but the pure scope of the thing, the dramatic scale, was something she didn’t think she’d get used to.

The halls, longer than Eleanor’s entire house, were lit with candles, illuminating the fine red carpet just barely enough to see the intricate patterns woven in. The servants were sleeping, Tahani had warned them, leaving Eleanor to wonder just how many servants lived here. They walked silently, the only noise being the creaking of the small wagon Janet had required to carry her belongings.

“This is your room, Janet,” said Tahani softly, opening a door. “I’ll send for you in the morning.”

Janet nodded. “It’s an honor to be here, Princess.”

“I’ll get her to stop that eventually,” said Tahani to Eleanor once Janet’s door closed. “Your room is right next door.”

Eleanor opened the next door and peeked her head in.

“This was my childhood bedroom,” said Tahani, though they were in a room much larger than any child would need. The king-sized bed, for one thing, and the grand chandelier seemed to indicate maturity. “Some of my dresses from when I was smaller are in here. They should fit you reasonably well.”

“Thanks,” said Eleanor dryly.

“No, I mean that. I wasn’t much smaller. I’ve always been rather tall for my age.”

“How old are you now?” Perhaps that was supposed to be common knowledge, but Eleanor didn’t know it.

“A princess is always twenty-five,” replied Tahani properly, then she lowered her stance. “But I’m actually thirty-one.”

Eleanor, being in her thirties herself, found this greatly comforting. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Good night, Eleanor.”

“Good night.”

Eleanor left her candle on for an extra minute to read the note she’d brought. “Don’t let anyone change you.” A day ago, a few hours ago, she’d have found working for the royal family abhorrent. Was she changing? Did it matter that she was trying to make the world a better place if she was using Princess Tahani to do it?

She blew out the candle. She’d never be able to overthrow the government on a weak night’s sleep.

-

“Morning, all!” said Tahani brightly, taking her seat at the head of a breakfast table set for five. Next to Eleanor was Janet, and across from them sat a man in a patterned wool sweater and a man in elaborate robes.

“Janet, Eleanor, I’d like you to meet Chidi Anagonye and Jianyu Li. Chidi was my private tutor through my teenage years, even though he’s my age; I keep him around for his insight.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you two,” said Chidi. “Welcome to the trust.”

“Jianyu,” continued Tahani, “has been my spiritual instructor for a few months now. He doesn’t speak very much. Teaches me to mellow out.”

Jianyu nodded and smiled, seemingly at Janet, who gave him a suspicious glance back.

“Janet, here, seems to be an excellent judge of character and can predict how people act.”

Jianyu looked down at his eggs quickly.

“And Eleanor is a peasant with a great sense of revenge and a spirited attitude.”

“Well, I’m not a peasant,” said Eleanor. “I’m a servant. Well, I used to be. Not anymore.” Eleanor’s stomach turned and she decided that now would be a good time to dig into her pancakes. The breakfast was, of course, delicious, and she had to take a sip of her orange juice (actual, real-life orange juice) to hide her face.

“Eleanor, I didn’t mean to insult you.”

“Of course not,” said Eleanor. “It’s fine. You just didn’t have to lead with the fact that I’m poor.”

“Eleanor,” asked Chidi, “do you come from within the kingdom?”

“Yes, I’m one of Kamilah’s subjects. So is Janet.”

“That must be terrible. Jianyu and I are from far-off lands. I’ve only been affected by Kamilah’s rule insomuch as she’s been physically present in the castle.”

“And the castle’s not that big,” Tahani blatantly lied, “so we do run into her from time to time.”

“Which is why we need excuses as to why we’re here,” said Chidi. “Jianyu ran into the Queen just the other day and he was lucky Tahani was there to cover. Leading a meditation, did she say?”

Jianyu nodded.

“I’ll say I’m a servant, then,” said Eleanor. “Not a chance she’ll recognize me.”

“Don’t worry about me,” said Janet. “I can blend in anywhere.”

“I actually need to speak to Kamilah,” said Tahani, standing up quickly. “I have to tell her not to go into Eleanor’s and Janet’s rooms.”

“What will you tell her?” asked Eleanor.

“I’ll say there’s a rat infestation again,” she said, rushing out of the room.

“Yo, guys, check it out,” said Jianyu.

Chidi nearly jumped out of his seat.

“My name isn’t Jianyu, it’s Jason, I’m from the south of the province, and I’m wanted by the royal guard.”

“You wait until now to tell me this?” said Chidi.

“I had to put this on as a disguise one day, and the princess caught me, and I didn’t know what to say, and she thought my silence was insightful, and I’ve been rolling with it. I’m putting all this out there because I know Janet’s onto me.”

“I was, in fact, onto you,” said Janet.

“And I didn’t want her outing me.”

“So you outed yourself,” said Eleanor.

“Yeah, to you guys. If Tahani finds out I’m Jason Mendoza, she’ll have me arrested.”

“What did you do?” asked Chidi.

“It’s not important. Just swear you won’t tell Tahani.”

“Well, I guess-” started Chidi.

“What’s in it for us?” asked Eleanor.

“I won’t bust you on your big secret. God. That’s how a trust works.”

“I think Tahani’s supposed to trust us,” said Chidi.

“And I don’t have a big secret,” said Eleanor.

“You really think you won’t get one?” Jason put down his silverware and leaned toward Eleanor. “Better yet, you think she’ll trust you over me?”

Eleanor was quiet then, because she had no idea what she’d be getting herself into, and this was no time to make enemies. “Fine.”

“What’s fine?” asked Tahani, returning to her seat at the breakfast table and taking a ladylike bite of her French toast.

“Everything,” said Chidi. “Everything is fine.”


	5. Bowling

Eleanor had anticipated being on the princess’s board of advisers. She had not anticipated immediately becoming one of her playmates in everyday activity.

“Oh, we’ll have such fun,” said Tahani as the five of them took a stroll through the courtyard. “You know, it’s not all about plotting revenge. Sometimes it’s about taking the boat out for the afternoon, or watching the jesters make fun, or lawn bowling.”

“Lawn bowling?” asked Eleanor.

“That’s the plan for this afternoon. Oh, I suppose I can’t assume you’re familiar with bowling?”

“Poor people do it, too,” defended Eleanor, wondering if mentioning her milk bottle setup from childhood would make her case stronger or weaker.

Some servants came out of nowhere and assembled a ten-pin setup on the lawn about fifteen feet away. The pins were thick, wooden, and professionally painted white, with neat red rings around the thinnest parts, arranged precisely into a triangle.

Eleanor immediately felt angry when she saw this. Everything in the castle had set off her alarms bit by bit, but for some reason, it was the professional bowling pins that really sealed the deal for her. She was out of her league, and she didn’t like that some people had so very much money while she’d had to work her whole life.

And then she felt guilty, because here she was playing with them. With the princess. She was part of it now.

“Who wants to go first?”

Eleanor picked up the ball - smooth and heavy, but not too heavy to hold - and rolled it down toward the pins. She managed to knock over one, the back right corner of the triangle, without budging any of the other nine.

She was received with a golf clap from Tahani, then Chidi, Jason, and Janet. “Well done, Eleanor,” said Tahani.

“Thanks,” said Eleanor with what she perceived to be equal sarcasm.

“No, I mean it,” said Tahani with a frown. “That was quite good. I’m far worse.”

A servant had moved to return the ball, but Eleanor ran up. “I got it, dude. You don’t have to do everything for me.”

The servant gave Eleanor a thumbs-up.

“What’s your name?”

“Oh,” said Chidi. “All the servants are named Doug. It clears up confusion.”

“Seems like it would create confusion. Are there female servants?”

“Kamilah prefers the company of men,” said Tahani disapprovingly.

“Alright, thanks, Doug,” said Eleanor, returning to her position with the group. “Tahani, do you, uh…” She rolled again. “Not prefer the company of men?”

“Men are fine servants,” Tahani answered as the ball struck a few more pins, “but it is quite unfortunate only having women around as guests.”

“The Queen is a woman,” offered Janet.

Tahani laughed. “She doesn’t count.”

“Well, I’m a woman,” said Eleanor, “and Janet’s…”

Janet was shaking her head violently.

“...not a woman? Okay. Interesting. Still she/her pronouns, Janet?”

“Yep,”

“Cool. So I’m a woman. So you’ve got some female companionship, I guess.”

“And thank God for that,” she said.

Eleanor handed Tahani the ball, letting their hands touch as she did so. Tahani gave Eleanor a completely inscrutable look, took the ball, and rolled it down, completely missing every pin.

Eleanor golf clapped. “Good job.”

“Hey,” said Tahani.

“I mean it,” said Eleanor defensively. “You weren’t afraid to fail. You knew this wasn’t your sport and you still picked it. That’s a positive trait.”

“I still think it’s rude to clap if someone misses completely,” said Tahani.

“Then hit some pins,” said Eleanor.

-

Someone came knocking on Eleanor’s door during one of her precious and infrequent moments to herself that afternoon. Eleanor quickly threw on a nightgown and answered the door.

“Hey, I gotta talk to you,” said Jason, still in his monk robes and looking desperate. “Why are you in a nightgown?”

“What do you want, Jason?”

“I’ve got- wait, can I come in?”

Eleanor looked back at her bed, her warm, comfortable, inviting bed, and then back to Jason, weighing her options. “I don’t see why not.”

“Good, I don’t want to get caught talking in the hallway.” He came in and sat right down on Eleanor’s bed, no longer a sanctuary of aloneness. “I’ve got a problem.”

“I know, dude. You’re a criminal hiding right under the nose of the government. You’re easily the most troubled person I’ve ever met.”

“No.” He clapped his hands. “I’ve got it bad for Janet.”

Eleanor rolled her eyes. Of course Jason wouldn’t be able to see the big picture.

“She’s so cool. She, like, knows everything. And she was willing to keep my secret without literally any blackmail. Like, how badass can a chick be?”

“Not a chick,” corrected Eleanor.

“Right, that’s also cool. I super don’t care about gender. I kind of forget how it works sometimes.”

That was relatable. Eleanor definitely liked differentiated genders, very masculine men and very feminine women, but it was also easy to blur the lines.

“Anyway,” said Jason, “you’re friends with her, right?”

“I mean, kind of?” said Eleanor. “I don’t know her much better than you do. We just met last night.”

“How do I get her if I can’t ever talk to her?”

Eleanor debated what she was about to say, not sure if she wanted to curse Janet with this criminal. At least he’d be out of Eleanor’s hair. “Have you considered going to her room instead of mine during downtime?”

“Oh, dip,” said Jason, getting up to leave. “That’s probably smart.”

“Also, if she does know everything, which I’m not convinced she doesn’t, she already knows you like her, so don’t try to hide it. But also, like, be respectful.”

Jason nodded. “Respect is the name of the game. Oh, hey, Janet.”

Janet smiled in the doorway. “Hi, Jason. Eleanor, can I come in?”

“Sure,” groaned Eleanor, “Jason was just on his way out.”

“See you later, guys. I mean, not-guys.”

“Eleanor, we need to talk about your chance of success. I don’t actually have infinite knowledge, but I have a great deal of information to work with, and I can use that to calculate probabilities.”

“You’re a little weird, Janet, but I haven’t seen you get anything too wrong, so I’ll roll with you.”

“I don’t think Tahani’s going to be able to overthrow Kamilah without a lot more help. She’s just one princess. The queen’s got armies and the loyalty of the people.”

“People lie.”

“What?”

“If anyone in the kingdom is asked if they support the queen, they’re going to say yes, because they’re afraid. Lots of people would definitely turn to our side if they thought we had a chance of winning.”

“But they won’t think we have a chance of winning until we have a lot of people on our side.”

“Janet, I don’t want to think about this right now. I had a minute off and you’re bringing me doom and gloom.”

“In that case, what do you think of Jason?”

-

Eleanor, Chidi, and Tahani found themselves alone five minutes into dinner. Jason and Janet had eaten very quickly and excused themselves from the table.

“Where do you think they went?” asked Tahani.

“Probably just exploring the castle,” said Chidi. “I’ve been here for years and it never gets less magnificent.”

Magnificent it was. Eleanor hated to admit it, but she was beginning to like it here. The lavish lifestyle was nice when you were on this side of it.

“There’s an order to all of this. You’re supposed to go in course order, starting with appetizers and ending with dessert. I don’t understand how one could just skip around like that.”

“You know,” said Eleanor, “my meals at home were one course, and that course was whatever was left from my family’s meals. Usually just scraps.”

“Really?” asked Tahani. “How did you live like that?”

“I had nowhere near this sort of money in Senegal,” said Chidi. “Sometimes we’d have two courses if one part of dinner was done before the other.”

“I’m glad I’ve rescued you both,” said Tahani, comforted by her own sense of heroism.

“There’s actually no way I can eat all of this,” said Eleanor, pushing away the piles and piles of food left in front of her. “Especially without Jason and Janet to help.”

“You get used to it,” said Chidi, “but you’re right, this is too much.”

“Well, I hate to think of it all going to waste,” said Tahani.

Eleanor dropped her fork. “What, you don’t give the extras to the Dougs?”

“I could, I suppose.”

“You should. For two reasons. One, the Dougs are human beings and will appreciate your generosity. You should always be kind to the Dougs and should probably be paying them a higher salary.”

“Salary?”

“Second, you should consider them important allies. If they like you better than they like Kamilah, they’ll support you in the long run.”

“You make excellent points, Eleanor.” She called out. “Dougs!”

A veritable swarm of a dozen Dougs came out from the woodwork, ready to collect plates and uneaten meals.

“Go ahead and help us finish whatever we’ve got left,” said Tahani.

“Miss,” said Doug, “are you certain?”

“Kamilah would never,” said Doug.

“No, go ahead. In fact, this will be common practice.”

“Thank you, Princess,” said Doug.

The Dougs took seats where they could, including the floor, and joined Tahani, Chidi, and Eleanor in a feast for the ages. The food was gone quickly, but more bellies were filled, more hearts were turned, and more humans were treated with some amount of dignity.

Tahani smiled warmly. “This was a good idea, Eleanor.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Oh,” said Tahani, “you really ought to say thank you, and then I say you’re welcome.”

Eleanor frowned. “But you were grateful to me.”

Tahani considered this. “Well, yes.”

“So how come you get to be welcome?”

She shrugged. “That’s just how it goes.”

“I don’t like that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s quite all right,” said Eleanor properly, leading Tahani to take a deep and impatient breath.


	6. The Closet

Chidi had gone to interview the Dougs on their current level of support for the Queen, a task that would almost certainly net him very little information due to heavy falsification of preferences but a necessary start if they were ever to get anywhere on the mission.

This left Eleanor and Tahani alone for the evening. They decided to spend the time strolling through the castle grounds, exploring hidden rooms and surprising even Tahani with what lurked behind certain untouched doors.

“What’s in there?”

“Oh, cleaning supplies,” said Tahani.

Eleanor narrowed her gaze. “How do you know?”

“I don’t,” said Tahani. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in there.”

Eleanor grinned. “That means it could be anything. A thousand jewels stacked neatly into a pyramid. A creature from the pits of hell that feasts on closet dust.”

“A pile of ancient tomes containing the meaning of life,” offered Tahani, starting to smile.

“And as long as we don’t open the door, we can imagine it’s anything.”

Tahani placed her hand on the handle.

“Tahani, come on,” groaned Eleanor.

She opened the door, and inside was a stash of weapons - bows and arrows, swords, maces, staves, and a few things Eleanor didn’t recognize.

“Worth it,” said Eleanor.

“You think we’ll need this stuff?” said Tahani.

“Well, it’s hard to have a peaceful, nonviolent overthrow of a despot,” said Eleanor. “Even if we’re not killing her-”

“We’re not killing her,” repeated Tahani.

“She’s not going to come quietly, you know? There’s gonna be a fight.”

“Say, Eleanor,” said Tahani, closing the door to the weapons.

“Yeah?”

“Were you serious about romance? Between us?”

“Um.” She hadn’t been, not entirely. She was just pressing her luck as far as it would go. Tahani was rich. She was the princess. They’d never have a thing in common. But god, was she beautiful. “Did you want me to be?”

“Well, naturally,” said Tahani, and then Eleanor kind of stopped listening, because the goddamn Princess just said she wanted to go out with her, and if that wasn’t the wildest-ass shit that had ever happened in your life, you’d lived more interestingly than servant girl Eleanor Shellstrop. Was Eleanor interested? Did it matter? You probably had to date the princess, right?

“You don’t have to say yes,” said Tahani. “You can obviously stay on as my adviser if you don’t. You won’t be beheaded or anything.”

“I’d love to,” said Eleanor.

“Oh, wonderful! Our wedding will be beautiful, Eleanor.”

“Wedding,” repeated Eleanor, suddenly uncertain of what she’d agreed to.

“I’ll get started right away on planning - you know party planning is all one gets good at, cooped up in a castle all these years.”

Eleanor was about to protest, but then she did some quick mental math. If you’re married to someone who becomes the queen, you become the queen consort, and if that wouldn’t stick it to her stepsisters, she didn’t know what would. Plus, Tahani was super hot, and she seemed at least to listen to Eleanor when she was acting too snooty.

Besides, this was political. This would make a statement to the people that Tahani was more sympathetic to the common folk than Kamilah. Nobody married for love, not even a princess.

“Alright, I’m into it,” Eleanor sighed. “But I think we should go out first.”

“Announce our engagement, you mean. Of course. We’ll send out notices in the morning.”

“No, Tahani, hold back on the party train. I know you’re excited, but just rein it in a little. I mean we should spend time together one-on-one to make sure we really want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. Otherwise, we get married, we discover we hate each other, and the whole thing blows up in our face.”

“I suppose that’s not a bad idea. See, this is why I hired you, Eleanor, you’re brilliant.”

Eleanor smiled. “I get the feeling you haven’t gone out much before.”

“Not often, no,” said Tahani sadly. “I’ve had many beautiful mistresses, but none of them were ‘going-out’ material.”

“Well, I can’t say I’ve ever had a mistress,” said Eleanor. “I’ve fooled around with some other servants from nearby houses, but never did the whole courtship thing, either.”

“Then I think we’ll have to make it up as we go,” said Tahani. “Can this count as our first date?”

“Only if we hold hands,” Eleanor flirted.

“It seems only right,” Tahani conceded.

Hand in hand, the two women walked through the castle, and Eleanor felt extraordinarily like something was beginning. She’d had a sick version of this feeling at her father’s funeral, and once when she tricked her stepsisters into eating insects by telling them it was gourmet, although nothing really came of that power shift. It felt like she could take on the world. Anything was possible with Tahani’s hand in hers.

“Well,” said Tahani outside Eleanor’s room, “it’s getting quite late, and we ought to go to bed. You, I mean,” she clarified. “And I. Separately. Ought to go to bed.”

“Yeah, definitely,” said Eleanor. “This was a nice date.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” said Tahani.

Eleanor wondered if she was allowed to kiss the princess. She assumed no, she was definitely not allowed to kiss the princess, you couldn’t just kiss the princess.

Tahani leaned close to Eleanor and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, dearest.”

“Good night, Tahani,” said Eleanor, closing the door behind her and breaking into a wide smile for no one to see.


	7. The Invitations

It was early the next morning that Tahani called for a meeting in the throne room.

“Yo, why we gotta be up so early,” groaned Jason in the moments before Tahani herself showed up. “I don’t even talk to her, I could be asleep.”

“I’m with you, actually. Tahani kept me up late last night.”

The group turned to Eleanor.

“How?” asked Jason.

“Oh, it’s nothing normal like you’re thinking,” said Eleanor. “She asked me to marry her and I said yes and now it’s all I think about.”

“Oh, dip!” said Jason. “I love weddings. There’s the best drinks.”

“Do you like her?” asked Chidi. “I didn’t get the impression that you liked her.”

“It’s complicated,” said Eleanor. “But I think so.”

“Marriage is political,” said Janet. “The princess intends to make a point here.”

“Did you know about this, Janet?”

Janet shook her head. “This was a zag.”

“What?”

“I imagined the point of the ball was to find a spouse, I just imagined she’d failed.”

“Everyone,” said Tahani excitedly, entering the room. “I have excellent news. Eleanor and I are engaged to be married!”

“Congratulations,” said Janet and Chidi in rough unison and fake surprise.

“I intend to name myself queen at the wedding, and Eleanor my consort,” she said proudly. “I believe that three months should be enough time to win over the public and plan the most beautiful ceremony this castle has ever seen.”

“Why do you want to win over the public?” asked Eleanor skeptically. “Once you’re in charge, you can do whatever you want.”

“Well, first of all, the idea is to be better than Kamilah, who’s cruel to everyone and doesn’t consider the public at all, and second, I’d rather not be overthrown the minute I assume office.”

“So you want to make things better for the people?” asked Eleanor.

“Of course,” said Tahani.

“Two-thirds of people are in the serving class,” she pointed out. “Maybe redistribution of wealth should be on your agenda.”

“Maybe so.”

“Perhaps better funding of the arts and sciences,” offered Chidi.

“Education for all children,” said Janet.

Jason looked desperately like he wanted to offer an idea, but kept his mouth shut.

“This is why I’m keeping you all on as advisers, even after the rebellion,” said Tahani. “Especially you, Jianyu, I could use your cool right about now.”

\---

“What lies has Kamilah told the people?” asked Eleanor as Tahani carefully drafted a wedding invitation. “Like, what’s that big thing she keeps talking up that’s never going to happen?”

“Well, she promises power to the rich but concentrates it all in herself. She promises tax breaks but never gives them. She promises lighter punishment but still executes people for theft and other minor cases.”

“Good stuff there. Let me write some of that down.”

KAMILAH IS NOT YOUR QUEEN

SAY NO TO CONCENTRATED POWER

SAY NO TO CONCENTRATED WEALTH

SAY NO TO CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT

-ELEANOR SHELLSTROP

“There, now we include that with the invitations. Start getting the public’s head right.”

“Kamilah would never approve that, and she’ll want to sign the invitations.”

“We slip it in behind the invitations. Write it on the envelopes after they’re sealed. We can find a way.”

“I’ll add that I’m requesting everyone in the kingdom to attend, including servants.”

“Do we have room to host everyone in the kingdom?” asked Eleanor.

“It’s a small kingdom,” said Tahani, “and it’s a moderately-sized castle.”

“Hey, is there a duck pond on the estate?” asked Eleanor.

“Of course!” said Tahani. “Why do you ask?”

“I just think that’s a neat date idea.”

“We could go when we’re finished with the invitations.”

“Good idea.”

\---

Tahani and Eleanor approached Kamilah at her throne. “Kamilah?”

“Yes, sister?”

“I want you to know that I found someone at the ball to marry. Just as you wished.”

“Bring her to me,” demanded Kamilah.

Eleanor walked forward.

“She doesn’t seem to be royal. What family is she from?”

“The Shellstrops,” said Eleanor.

“Ah, yes, a noble line, I’m sure,” said Kamilah, demonstrating the greatest ignorance of her own people. “She will make a good wife. And you, of course, have no need for an heir.”

“Indeed not,” said Tahani, though she seemed concerned now. "Just sign off on these invitations and we'll send them straightaway."

Kamilah didn't even read them. They'd had nothing to worry about.


	8. The Ducks

Eleanor threw a piece of bread crust to the ducks in the pond as the sun set over another beautiful evening in paradise. “You know, time’s kind of meaningless now.”

“I don’t think so,” said Tahani.

“Yeah, I’ve been here for, like, a week? Been engaged for a handful of days? And it feels like I should’ve always been here. Like maybe I was always here. Maybe being a servant was just a weird dream.”

“I’m quite the opposite,” said Tahani, breaking off a piece of the loaf and hand-feeding it to a particularly ballsy duck. “I feel like my world’s turning upside down quite quickly. I have just a few months to throw together a nonviolent government overthrow slash wedding of the century slash happily ever after, and I feel like the days aren’t long enough.”

“Well, happily ever after’s in the freaking bag, dude. You’ve got me. I’m all in.”

“Are you?” she asked. “I chose you because you seem least likely to be in it for the power, but isn’t everyone in everything for the power? That’s the reason people gravitate toward Kamilah and not me.”

“I’ll tell you one thing, Miss Tahani, I would never marry Kamilah. Not if she offered me the world.”

“She could. She owns it.”

“Not the whole world,” said Eleanor. “Nobody owns the whole world.”

“Maybe not,” said Tahani. “If Kamilah loved you, she’d have your family executed. That’s how she expresses affection, killing people who piss you off.”

“Well, I don’t want them executed.”

“Why not?” asked Tahani. “They’ve been cruel to you.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to be cruel back,” said Eleanor.

“That’s the same reason I don’t want Kamilah executed,” said Tahani. “She might be a terrible queen, but she’s still my sister.”

“I understand that,” said Eleanor.

Tahani tossed another piece of bread. The ducks quacked happily. “You really wouldn’t marry Kamilah?”

“Of course not. She’s a crazy bitch. No offense.”

“None taken.” Tahani paused in thought. “Then why marry me?”

Eleanor raised an eyebrow. “Are you fishing for compliments?”

“I’m asking whether there’s really a difference between me and Kamilah.”

“You’re sweet and thoughtful and actually want to change things,” said Eleanor. “You make the world a better place, or at least, you try to. Kamilah just hoards wealth and kills people who get in her way.”

“She does do that,” said Tahani. “Eleanor, you know, that’s what drew me to you, too. You have vision.”

“You are a vision,” said Eleanor, somewhat without thinking.

Tahani dropped the bread and brought Eleanor into a passionate kiss. Eleanor could hear the ducks swarming around, pecking at the bread hungrily, as she kissed Tahani back, quickly becoming comfortable in a rhythm, getting lost in the moment. There was nothing now, nothing but her and Tahani and a peaceful sunset and a glorious kiss.

Tahani broke away. “Sorry if I’m out of practice.”

“Oh, yeah, that sucked,” said Eleanor. “You should try again until you get it right.”

Tahani laughed. “Eleanor, I think it’s too soon to declare that I’m in love with you, but I’m certainly on my way.”

“I don’t know that it’s too soon,” said Eleanor. “I think you just say it when it’s true.”

Tahani paused before speaking. “I don’t know that I know what love feels like. Romantic love, I mean. I’ve never felt it before.”

“Yeah,” said Eleanor. “I have.”

“You have?”

“Duh. I haven’t spent my life stuck in the social graces trying to make sure I did everything properly. You fall in love by accident. You can’t do it on purpose.”

“Are you in love with me, Eleanor?”

“Dude, I haven’t even slept with you yet.”

“Is that a prerequisite?”

“A what?”

“Do you have to sleep with me in order to love me?”

“I mean, no, but usually it comes first.”

“Would you like to head back to the castle?”

“To sleep with you?”

“I thought that was implied.”

“I’ll fucking race you.”

Eleanor took off toward the castle, leaving Tahani to take off her shoes and carry them back, trailing just a few feet behind.


	9. The Coronation

Days turned to weeks, and as the leaves began to grow in on the trees, the day finally came for the wedding.

“Isn’t this wonderful, Chidi?” asked Tahani, the two of them alone getting ready to walk down the aisle. “I’m marrying Eleanor, and I’m finally standing up to Kamilah, all in one day.”

“I’m very happy for you,” said Chidi. “I do worry you won’t need me anymore once you’re queen.”

“Oh, Chidi, there’s always a place for you.”

“Something’s going to go wrong,” said Eleanor at the same time in an adjacent room, as Janet tied up her wedding gown. “I can feel it.”

“Bro, it’s your wedding day,” said Jason. “Just take a chill pill.”

“Janet, what do you think? You’re never wrong about this stuff.”

“I think Jason’s right,” said Janet cautiously. “Keep your wits about you and nothing can go-”

The five of them heard a thud, a scream, and then pandemonium. They all rushed out, eschewing all wedding protocol, to see what the commotion was.

People were gathering around Michael Realman, the next-door neighbor, standing over an unconscious Kamilah with a pipe.

“Oh, no,” said Janet. “Michael, don’t!”

“People of the kingdom,” said Michael, “there comes a time when you have to reevaluate your allegiances. Kamilah al-Jamil has been terrible to us.”

Murmurs of agreement came from around the room.

“I have reports coming from inside the castle that she abuses the servants, that she is as wicked and cruel to them as she is to us.”

“Have you been writing to your father?” Eleanor asked Janet.

“He’s not my father. It’s complicated. But yes. I didn’t think he’d make such a scene.”

Tahani rushed in. “Don’t hurt her!”

“Tahani,” said Michael. “You are the rightful queen of this kingdom. You would be kind and fair. But if you let her live, she will never stop pursuing you.”

“What if,” said Eleanor, “we banish Kamilah?”

“Banish her?” repeated Tahani.

“Send her to another kingdom. That way she’s not bothering us, and she’s safe from people who would try to hurt her.” Eleanor glared at Michael.

Kamilah still lay lifeless on the palace floor.

“She’s not... dead, is she?” asked Tahani.

Michael leaned down and looked for a pulse. “She’s definitely alive. You’re sure you didn’t want me to kill her?”

“No!” said Janet.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” said Tahani, addressing the room. “This isn’t exactly how I wanted to do this, but I would like to announce that I will be taking over as queen.”

The room was silent, then one by one, people started to bow and curtsy, fear evident on their faces.

“With my team of royal advisers, I will-”

“I want Eleanor,” cried a voice in the back, one of the Dougs.

“Eleanor?” asked Tahani.

“Eleanor’s a servant. She gets it. She’s smart. I want her running the country.”

Tahani frowned. “This isn’t a democracy.”

“Shouldn’t it be?” asked another Doug. “Sure, you think you’re better than Kamilah, but only because of your advisers. Without them you’d be just like her.”

“She’s got all the ideas,” said a third Doug.

“Well, let’s put it to a vote,” said Tahani. “All those in favor of me being queen and Eleanor being my consort, raise your hands.”

A few hands went up, mostly the super-rich who had thrived under Kamilah and the guards who feared a messy transition.

“All those in favor of Eleanor being queen with me as her consort, raise your hands.”

A few hundred hands went up, including all of the Dougs present.

“Huh,” said Tahani.

And quite suddenly, Eleanor found herself being surrounded by royal guards, who removed the crown from Kamilah’s head and placed it onto hers before she could protest.

“Long live Queen Eleanor,” said Doug.

“Long live Queen Eleanor,” said the chorus emphatically.

“Does this mean I can talk?” asked Jason.

Eleanor put her face in her hands. This was not at all what she had signed up for today.


	10. The Wedding

“Tahani, can I speak to you in private?” asked Eleanor.

“Of course,” said Tahani, seeming rather shaken by the whole engagement.

“Listen, I don’t know what you want to do from here.”

“I don’t know, either!”

“Why’d you ask them to vote?”

“Well, the point of this entire exercise was to make the people happy.”

“I thought it was to make you happy.”

“Maybe at first, but… things have changed. You’ve changed all of us.”

“Well, I don’t know how to be a queen!” Eleanor paused. “Okay. This could still work.”

“What could still work?”

“I understand if you don’t want to, but if I keep you on as an adviser-”

“Oh, I still want to marry you.”

Eleanor smiled. “You do? I thought that was just a power move.”

“Do you still want to marry me even if I’m not the princess?”

“I liked you despite being a princess, not because of it. Anyway, I keep you around as… my wife, I guess, and you teach me how to be a queen.”

“Deal.”

“You wanna go out there and get married?”

“Absolutely.”

\---

“Queen Eleanor,” said Janet, standing before the crowd as the officiant, “you may recite your vows.”

Eleanor took Tahani’s hands. “Tahani. I didn’t think rich people were capable of valuing things other than themselves, but you showed me that sometimes love can transform hard hearts, and I don’t even mean yours. I know you. You’re kind and thoughtful and the polar opposite of your sister. You’re adaptable. And I’m glad you’ve adapted to having me in your life.”

“When I met you at that ball, I thought you were demanding and selfish, but creative, and I knew that was the kind of person who could get things done. I just didn’t think you’d change me so much. I didn’t realize how much I needed you. I still do. And I think I always will.”

“Well, you’d better,” joked Eleanor. “This is kind of permanent.”

“Do you have the rings?”

Tahani pulled out two matching gold bands. She slid one onto Eleanor’s finger, and handed her the other one. Eleanor put the ring on a smiling Tahani, and she shot back a matching smile.

“I now pronounce you married,” said Janet. She turned to Eleanor. “You may kiss your bride.”

Tahani leaned down and kissed Eleanor.

\--

“What do we do now?” asked Eleanor in bed that night. “There are so many unanswered questions.”

“I think we can work it out together,” said Tahani. “Hey, I wasn’t really paying attention, but I could’ve sworn I heard Jianyu talk earlier.”

“Yeah, I’ll have him explain that tomorrow. I think I’m going to keep him, Chidi, Janet, and Michael as advisers.”

“Who’s Michael?”

“The one who knocked out Kamilah,” admitted Eleanor. “He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.”

“I don’t understand you, Eleanor,” said Tahani.

“It’s going to be fine.”

And Eleanor could tell, from the way Tahani kissed her, that she believed her.


End file.
